Sweet Hazel

When I snagged a few tickets for a Bonnie Raitt concert, way back in July, I had no idea what would be happening in my life during the week of the October concert. I just knew I wanted to see her live, having grown up adoring so much about her: the music, the lyrics, the guitar, the flaming locks, the grace, the emotional depth, especially when I’m brave enough to let it all in.

At the concert the other night, I broke down during her intensely poignant ballad “Just Like That.” If you know the song, you know.

“Just like that your life can change.
If I hadn’t looked away,
My boy might still be with me now…”

I don’t know how she holds it together to sing it. I cry every time I hear it. It is such a truly beautiful and breathtaking song. I played it on repeat a few months ago when I greived the sudden loss of a good friend. Her voice washed over me then, and it’s washing over me now.

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Our sweet English Labrador Retriever Hazel, nearly 15, has lived what our friends say is an awesome life. We agree. It’s been a near-perfect ride. She’s our 5th Chocolate Lab, and making it past 14 years made her our longest-lived.

Sometimes mistaken for a male, she earned the nickname “LeBron” when she was in her prime, thanks to her giant blocky head and beefy body, and her out of control ball-seeking behavior. A ball could be anywhere within 100 yards, on the ground, in the air, cradled in a soon-to-launch Chuck-It — she went after it, 70-pounds of gusto. She took me down a few times, and spent year one in puppy-training because she tried to dunk on several Chuck-It-carrying friends. She was, simply, awesomely, a beast. Our beautiful, wondrous, life-giving beast.

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Hazel came from a breeder we knew in Vermont; we were repeat customers, having been lucky to love two other Labs from the same family tree. Each was exactly what Labs ought to be: all loyalty and unconditional love, all the time.

With her rich brown fur coat and her sparkly and bewitching brown-yellow eyes, we gave her the perfect name - Hazel - which delighted us to no end. They say the eyes are windows into the soul. Hazel and her endlessly soulful eyes taught me that if we’re brave enough to look deep enough into our own eyes, and into those of others, curious and strong enough to take it all in and to accept it, we will see it, we will feel it, and we will become it. Any time I looked into Hazel’s eyes, I saw and felt only loyalty and love with a twinkle of mischief.

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“Somethin’ about him gave me ease,
Right there in his eyes…”

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As she aged, LeBron retired and became our “Super Senior H,” defying the odds and outliving most of her puppy-training-pack. She began fading a few months ago; hearing going, eyes turning milky, back-end wobbling, but as Labs tend to do, she always had energy for food and treats. She “borked” her senior bark, and we complied. We began to mark time, each day a question.

We have always done right by our pups, trying to navigate a peaceful off-ramp, no matter how brutal the goodbye. This would be no different. And yet, it feels so different.
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“And just like that your life can change.
Look what the angels sent.
I lay my head upon his chest,
And I was with my boy again…”

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We said goodbye yesterday. I inhaled her scent and looked into her eyes one last time and held my breath until tears burst forth. I felt her last heartbeats, and I feel them as mine now. Rest peacefully and run free over the rainbow bridge, our sweet Hazel. You’re part of us, always.

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Video from Hazel’s last day (trigger warning: sadness).